A Letter from NetFlix

I just got this weird letter from NetFlix:

Dear Aziz,

We just want to say - THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! You are a lazy, lazy, lazy motherfucker and lazy fucks like you are what make us the real dough! Hear me out.

We just did some math. Since joining in September of ‘05, you’ve spent $665.29 in membership fees. And to date, you’ve watched and received…. TEN MOVIES!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That’s $66.53/MOVIE!!! HAHAHAHAH!

We were a little worried when you first joined. You got 9 movies those first two months and watched them and returned them right away. “Twin Peaks,” “The Staircase,” Chinatown - you were ripping through them. It seemed like you were a diligent Netflix-er that would hurt our profits.

But THEN - you just stopped! You’ve only rented ONE FUCKING MOVIE SINCE THEN!!!

And instead of going online and cancelling your membership, you just kept paying us about $20 a month to keep a copy of A Streetcar Named Desire, Casablanca, and Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? at your house FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS!

We can’t thank you enough for this Aziz and we hope you continue to pay us $20 a month for DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Best wishes,

The Netflix Team